Muscle

Silence expanded right to the walls,
until I pace an apartment packed
with doughy air, crowded in empty.
I say "Excuse me" as I walk about.
Furniture waits for something to do.
A movie torn off mid-reel, replaced
by a security camera's bleak greys
of a night lobby after office hours.
A place people left to go home.
Spin the infinite in every direction
and no one's there to stop it, so
our radar for each other fails:
where I live is not a location.
Down to my last muscle
against the giving up.
The TV voice so chirpy
it must come from the past
on government orders.
My face looks like a word
someone made up.

I know all that's wrong with me.
Whatever's right doesn't take it back.
Yes, I'm sudden. Man, she loved that.
Suddenly, you're in Las Vegas airport.
Suddenly naked on a truck bed.
Suddenly ribeyes follow horse races.
Suddenly, tires wail, "See ya, Mr. Valet!"
Just as suddenly, I guess, I quit
my job. God, I was bored to death.
Arrested for good reason, driving drunk.
Called her Dad a fucking hypocrite.
And, er, ummm, tried to lose her cat.

Mad love can't handle half of anyone.
I'll simmer down. She'll accept less.
I hope she finds a better man than me.
And when I call years from now--I will--
I hopes she's happy enough to say no.

Now, the night crushes down so hard
I can shove my arm into the stars.