Leaving

The years empty the house out one by one, as if each year was a shim and the kids just fall out. Their voices as physical a thing as furniture.

And me? I'm leaving the world. Or it's all shrinking down to this one house. Death by couch. Dwindle. In fear of my own disbelief.

This culture is a clattering bunch of tin cans trailing a speeding car. And that makes me alone.

Shear

A shear of blonde hair. Shine of light pouring through a window.
  Not what it was. What it is now. The only thing that remains.
  Yes, cornsilk, but under water. Caribbean Sea. Near noon.

Laughter void of meaning in a dark empty room with a wooden floor.
  Finish is always start. Cursed to dream big. Daft machine gun sound.
  You could ride it around the world, or into space.
  I'm guessing it was death. Or my dying father. Or my next brain.

Man, a right cross to the jaw, and life changed forever.
  Born for it. Incomplete without it. Like adding an arm or leg.
  Punch thrown from a book about me getting punched.
  Hammered my past and future into a straight line.

There's a heat that comes in the afternoon during early spring.
  I don't seem to exist on cold mornings. Unborn until 2 pm.
  It thaws memory, which keeps me warm until I fall asleep.
  Dreams are the last big fun I can have. Crazy life begins again.
  Everybody dead is alive, and good-natured. I'm everywhere!

Flew along the ground of the United States, just inches above.
  Lawn, asphalt, sidewalk, football field, fallow farmland.
  I loved it. As if it was all mine. Night coming. Or shadow.

Because Hope

One God stopped a lot of arguing.
Then, science did the rest to shut us up.
Everything now is so prophesized or proven
that Martians can't tell us one from another.
Chimps look at us and say, "I can do that."
A planet destroyed by the fruit of its biosphere,
as humans wreck it all in blunder and bliss.

Gentle, now. Come my way, and confess.
How a world erodes to less and less.
Let me call you unafraid, and ask
you to take measure of what's left.
Size up the void we made.
So total and complete our theft,
we became baron and baroness
of holes...empires of emptiness.
No one believes in apocalypse,
of course, until it's too late.
Yet, we can count the extinctions.
We watch death as if it was wind
or rain or snow, and make plans.

We hear the voices anyway, wrong
that they exist, without matter or
any mass to them that we can tell.
The universe is a talking thing.
Motionless, we remain, despite all
the instruction day by day, simple
because we have, you know, people
in our lives, relationships, complex
as any puzzle toy, and you know, too,
there's good and bad, and parents
who never once said to go run off
at the invisble sound of direction
cooked down so perfectly for you.
And our diet of dollar bills keeps us
stuffed and busy, hungry and thin.

Ah, know this highway is a roving tongue
in a night that will maybe chew you down,
though chance allows new worlds to get born.
You're captain of the borderline, in this life
fenced off from dreams. Traitor to it all,
command the troops, "Tear down this wall.
We owe the infinite our fearful best."
Why every sunset is bathed in longing.

The universe speaks in impossible distance
because hope.

Little Pancho Villa

What's a memory that comes back again and again,
and won't ever leave, as if it was pinned to your skin?
There is no past, because time is disordered
so that a moment from long ago can ride with you
loud as a cab driver forced to take the bus.
Worse, what if a memory holds a message
that you spend a lifetime telling it to shut up?
How amazing are we evolved if real trouble
can be left a squawking bird in the sacred now?
We carry our real cowardice without a problem.
It's something we learned to do to live this long.
How many of our best young people die of truth,
and we bury them knowing what killed them,
smug in the manner we can give way in our spines,
to one day reach a ripe old age, all lies gone
slowly silent, as the kids stop listening anyway.

Day 1 of the war I'd never truly fight.
Mostly, I just forgot. Forgetting became a way of life.
Reborn as pancho villa back in third grade one morning
beneath my desk in a duck-and-cover drill.
Sister Mary Joseph explained this is what we'll do when the atom bomb blows us up.
Then, we'll wait for our parents to pick us up.

Bandoleers grew criss-cross down my chest the more I worked it out.
That's a lie! PIstols appeared on both hips as I pictured the cartoon of our town after the devil's own mushroom cloud.
I'd have to peel my way up out of the bricks then make my way home on foot over broken sidewalks and exploded lumber, next to burning station wagons.
Mom and the other kids might already be dead. Or maybe their skin was falling off.
I remember Dad saying how we'd head to the mountains where maybe the air was still clean. As if we could fly.

It was all a lie.

And the danger would never end. We were going to make more  bombs.
There was no one honest enough to stop it. The hell with that! I'll stop it!
Eventually, it was recess, and pancho villa disappeared. But a darkness
got injected into me that would only ever leave if I went to war, a rebel
from the simplest truth: We're going to use those bombs one day.

Is forgetting one of the things we all do like a club rule?
Do we forget the big lies, or did we always expect them?
Are we game players who actually know this one rule that everyone lies can't be broken?
Parents. Teachers. Government. Priests. Bosses. TV news announcers.
Is it that none of us could survive if we were to live in truth,
like it's the greatest single poison on the planet?

Husband & Wife

When he met her is cavern art,
in ochre, flat against the rock,
with magical beasts of the day,
his drummer friend, hash pipe,
datsun 510, herd of professors,
as if painted by another species.
Today, they're astronauts, prepared
to leave Earth, two new handprints
yet to be drawn in whatever world
throws shadows on cave walls.

Depends / Might

The street lights blushed as they looked upon us
kissing from 9 pm to quarter to two.

Wait, is that trumpets, or live ammo overhead?
Depends. What was it, again, I just said?

"Hold tight to your blanket tonight,"
the voice announced once more to the world.

Unless you believe in whim,
and that moon inexplicably
three times its normal size!

Or a sense that life is not meant to be this hard,
that I dreamed it up wrong, and it needs redreaming.

Maybe a story might...
well, it might.

Cat Dance

Here, maybe, you can see a cat dance,
as words get thrown in pixie dust,
and a reader is a magical thing to be,
a way to set aside one's entire life,
to, if not believe, at least consider
the instant movie at the suggestion
of a cat in full samba or ballet leap.
When we scour the Earth, reduce it
all down, words fly in swarms against
our body, which we hold as real, and
they tempt us to discard this anchor
for outrageous flight, for soaring away,
until mice sing loud in squeaky chorus,
while dogs howl out a country song,
and a cat can do whatever a cat wants.
There's then a ballroom in your head,
so distant from every day, it's tragic
and unforgivable and taking you
to wonder sometimes if the real,
restrictive as swaddling, is chosen.
It's OK. Stay here. You won't disappear.
Yes, adulthood is a fraud. We're all 19.
You just got bent, then sought out age
as comfort. Out of fear, you closed.
Be young and unafraid. Words turn
breath into the lone sorcery we know.
Yes, the cat dances. Now, watch it fly.